Submitted anonymously
I’m discovering this is no easy task. Friends in TIP do not understand the depth of indoctrination that is happening to them just as I did not. It’s only now when I find myself feeling the impact of leaving – the memories of how sad everyone is in the training, as if you’ve died!
I remember the feeling well. I didn’t understand the impact of that system on the ones who’d left. Even when friends love you it still leaves you feeling like something must be inherently wrong with you to have left. Of course that’s taking on the training’s perspective but it seeps into you and it’s hard to shake, when you know that they look at you as suspect, when they are on guard around you so as to not take on the attack or whatever got you. As an ex-trainer, I know when I’m being watched, when my friends are “on guard” around me. Not a good feeling! And then of course they will feel shaken if you speak the truth to them. It’s awful sometimes to know the inside story.
I’m working at getting reconnected with the community that I left or slowly disappeared from! It’s a big task and it doesn’t happen quickly just as leaving it didn’t happen quickly but rather happened over time. I tell people now who have friends outside of the training to stay connected to those non-trainers -that it will give them perspective on what’s happening.
I had a revelation this morning that I wanted to share here. I was praying and asking for assistance to clear myself of the leftover fear and angst at leaving and over changing friendships, the loss of so many things before anything else fills the gap. As I was trying to get free of what people in tip might think of me for leaving, I suddenly heard these words, crystal clear, “everybody finds their tipping point sometime”. I suddenly knew I left because I reached my tipping point not because I was under attack or being taken out. I felt a huge sense of relief. I knew that Everybody finds their tipping point sometime – to me that meant that those still inTraining in Power who agonize over leaving, wrestle with the need and desire to leave, feel angry and betrayed, are shamed by other trainers, or feel uncomfortable watching a student or colleague be shamed, they too will reach their tipping point and staying will not be an option, and it will not be about attack or anything being wrong with them. It will be about them taking a stand for Freedom and Joy and Peace of mind. It will be about self-acceptance and self-love. It will be about coming back to their very own centre.
If someone yells and screams at you, slams you with shame, belittles you, it doesn’t matter what level they are or who they are, their vibration is in the toilet. They are not “In Position”. If they want to make you wrong for their bad behavior and are still not ready to own that shaming is harmful and destructive, please don’t take that on. No one deserves to be shamed.
I am pretty tired of hearing about attack being the cause of such behavior. Ifeel angry when that line of reasoning is used to defend shaming, abusivebehavior. It implies the person is not accountable for their behavior. That’slike saying the person who sexually abused you wasn’t responsible for oraccountable for his/her abusive behavior.. I can love the person, and still thebehavior is wrong.
Silence is consent. Many years ago one of the gentlest most Spiritual men I’ve met in this lifetime said those words to me. Silence is Consent. I can still hear his voice, the quiet, powerful undisputed words being spoken. Each time I’d witness someone being publicly shamed and I did not stand up and protest, I’d hear him saying to me, SILENCE IS CONSENT. I am not willing to remain silent about what I see and know to be incorrect. I’m glad you’ve found this site and are reading these words. Perhaps they were written just for you. Know that you are loved. There truly is no one above another. No one has the answers about your journey, your purpose here; only you and God know that. Being totally present in the ordinary moments, in an ordinary life is extraordinary.
I went looking for healing in all areas of my life. In retrospect, I wonder ifI needed to be re-traumatized so often to get that healing. To be so often in reaction because of some crazy thing someone said or read on me. To feel horrible because I was told I was sending out lines to hook somebody in. I no longer feel crazy or bad about who I am in reference to that incident. What people think they see psychically isn’t always correct. Many times, many times they are projecting.
I know when I’ve been hurtful or unkind. It doesn’t feel good. I will go back to that person and apologize. I let them know that I am sorry, and that whatever it was that I had said or done had nothing to do with them, it was my stuff.
When you do that, the person you accidentally flung your energy at, feels validated, heard, valued. They can stop feeling crazy wondering what they did to upset you. The air clears between the two of you. I could not understand if I knew and saw that, how was it that someone in a senior level to me, could fling their energy and anger around and blame the person they were flinging it at and never go back and own what they’d done. That didn’t make sense to me. I could no longer see those senior levels as having a high vibration. How can you be abusive and maintain a high vibration. You simply can’t.
And yet this was being modelled over and over in the training. I’m not in anyway saying that everyone is like that. I know absolutely there are many lovingTrainers who know the difference and would not behave in those ways. However, we’ve all witnessed the public shaming that goes on of individuals and of Levels, by Faye, and many of us, including me, remain silent–we are afraid, afraid. Isn’t that crazy. In an organization of Light, and Truth. We are afraid! SILENCE IS CONSENT and so the abuse continues.
In light of all this I am choosing to sign my name here despite this crazy fear.
Much love, light, peace and joy. (name removed)