Feedback from Diane’s Letter of Resignation


Feedback to Diane’s Letter of Resignation and this site.

Resignation and Research Document Feedback

I took heart from these notes from a few supportive members of the group after I left and was in such trauma.  Thankfully many of them eventually left the group too.   I see relief and hope in these responses.  Relief that finally someone raised these issues in such a big way, and hope that by raising them they might be fixed.  These supportive responses are followed below by a different tone of letter from a Senior Minister in the training.  My response to her follows.


From a Canadian Board Member

Dear Diane,
I applaud the tremendous courage, brilliant insight and independence of thinking and free will that it took to write what you’ve written. The pen, ah the mighty pen!

Wow …

You are one brave woman Diane !
I do trust that all is moving along for healing here though … your words
will I believe get things shaking quite a bit … though I can hear the ” shades of ’97
coming again” mantra going around, I can also feel the ripples of relief going out amongst the
ranks as well …
So thank you for being who you are …
I love and support you 100 % …

Ohhhh you’re sooo bad !


……it is touching for me. It shows, how many are living in constant conflict and the fear to speak up within this organization. And it shows how many are aware of lots of things – and this gives hope.

So again, a big universal THANK YOU for opening up all these dynamics. And a BIG personal one too……..

You are a wonderful true spiritual warrior and light being !!!

Love you


Nice job!  Seems very truthful and objective which would be hard to do in your situation.  Back on YOUR journey, bravo.



Dear Diane,

I love you  you  brave woman !  I’ll  write more when I’m not on the Career Center computer.  Excellent job on the preparing and writing of the essay.  Perhaps it will become a multi-million dollar workshop one day ?!  It could help so many people other than just the tip people.  You really inspire me to my depth, thank you !  Love eternally, 

…I also thank you for your courage, tenacity, the depth of your research, and ultimately your love in doing this.  We all benefit.



Dear Diane,

I printed your book, it is AMAZING!!

It was a really honourable move!

God bless you!! This is a true warrior way!

I respect your act and your wisdom!

Thank you!!!


!! Nice job! Seems very truthful and objective which would be hard to do in your situation. Back on YOUR journey, bravo. Love …..


……. yet, I want to say something profound to you in response to having read your tome. It was quite a piece of work and I have a sense of what you must have gone through compiling that work.  What may be most important right now is to affirm your process and let you know that you are loved and supported. I said it that way because not only do I love and support you, but so do others, especially “The Universe” (God, if you will). Love to you!


….In processing our discussion over the weekend, I eventually came to see what you have accomplished more clearly. I believe that what you did — for yourself, your family, and TIPpers you care about — was an act of profound courage. Love,


Thank you Diane!!!!!  This
>gives us such a powerful tool to evaluate information, especially in the
>realm of power and Power.


From: Letter from my peer (Level 11 at the time), and Senior Minister in Training in Power, and my reply.

To: D Sent: Thursday, March 04, 2004 8:46 PM

Subject: Re: Response

To me there is a big difference between offering constructive criticism and an undermining of the very fibres of an organization and its members. The work of Training In Power is not a fit for everyone. No organization on this planet is a fit for everyone. Clearly you feel that the methods of this training do not fit your personal preferences. I wish you happiness on your journey on whatever path/system you choose that you feel is a better fit for you.

(Senior Minister name withheld)

My reply March 2004:

Dear (Senior Minister) , Boards and Ministers,

I hope you will consider my thoughts here. It is not that the methods do not fit my preferences, it is that the stated training goals are power, healing and enlightenment, and the methods do not and cannot support attainment of those goals when they are based on incongruent physics or ignored ethics.

(Sr Minister), as you know I have “constructively” brought up these issues for years! I’m sorry you see this as undermining; I see it as a long ignored, suppressed exposure. Exposure that is no different than if your children were being raged at, shamed, or in any way deflected from asking reasonable questions, having guilt and fear used for their own good, or confusing them with inconsistent, incongruent messages and physics. You would not expect your children to blindly do as you say. You I hope would encourage them from within to find their own answers when they can, and not make them feel bad or shamed when they make an error or mistake. I hope you would not lay guilt on a child to make them do something instead of being straight up. I would hope you would be able to say oops, made a mistake, and not defend or deflect them from your need to be right. Would you use anger ‘for their own good’ to get them to comply or would give them responsibility and use consistent consequences? Would you expect them to learn your personal story in order for them to learn their lessons, or would you trust them to create their own story from their own experiences? Why would it be different in the training? That this has been called an abused population in no way excuses leaders from accountability to these methods.

The sacred trust of the people in the training is no different than the sacred trust of parenting. Only these people are emotionally wounded and seeking help. Does this make it ok to do all these things, because they are wounded adults and need it? I would love for someone to talk WITH me about how some of the practices in this training are justified, how the incongruence is justified, how the physics errors are justified, instead of defending and cutting off discussion with cool deflection or shifting sands training rhetoric.  These truths are deflected by telling people they are not seeing what they are seeing, aren’t communicating it right, not seeing a myriad of this or that, are in their stuff, are too emotional, whatever!  Deflection is deflection.  It is a downright denial, albeit unconscious many times, of the right of free and co-creative discussion.

When I see good people, who have been in this training for so many years, forcing themselves keep a lid on their true feelings, keeping healthy emotional reaction buried, there is something very, very wrong. The rote responses that are trained into good people with fear and guilt, who have learned obedience so well, have gone on way past my comfort zone. Their belief systems have been replaced with hundreds of details of a training story, but not with clear emotional health, not with feeling what is true for themselves in their heart.

There are dependent high levels that believe the ‘battle’ is literal. Will you just wait till they figure it out? What if they never see this, is it then their fault for being naive? Do you have the right to fill their reality with this story? After this many years, how can this be? How can they not have emotional independence? If they are teaching now, should they not be reasonably clear of this dependent need to believe? This is not honoring free will, it is not just poetic mystic parable, it is brainwashing and misuse of power. Those who have left the training have suffered long to get their own lives back, their own thoughts, and their own feelings, and it does indeed seem like a ‘fall’. I don’t want this to go on happening to people.

If you’re going to be working with people’s lives, their mental health, people who don’t know ‘law’, who trust you and are vulnerable to ‘belief’ systems until they become independent, you have an huge obligation to examine any issues of this nature brought up to you. An obligation to do so in alignment with what all humanitarians are guided by — respect, honor, and ethics. To dismiss these concerns by saying this work is not for everyone has no bearing on any of this, for these are ethical issues not preferences.

You say I have undermined the very fibres of the organization and its members. My God by Level Vl those members should be independent truth seekers, clear thinkers, able to KNOW the truth. But I see their ability scrambled by mysticism and so many focuses and rules of power they don’t KNOW how to find the truth without looking in the power rule book. Some then learn the rules so well they remain numb to their feelings and thus the smugness, flippancy, surety and self-importance they enact in the name of power. You certainly can’t feel from that spot or respect from that spot. This is upper levels! How many levels is it going to take to feel?

So, look at the physics here. If what I say is not true, you have absolutely nothing to do but sit back and continue as usual. Truth seekers are attracted to truth, know the truth when they see it, and are ok. You have two choices here. Trust them to find the truth, or unite them in battle lines against the evil you say is trying to destroy the ‘group’. The first is free will and respect. The second is control and creation of dependence, for you can easily get the dependent to battle whatever they are told to battle. If you do the first, honor free will, then what I said in my material must not be true. If you do the battle, then what I said is true, they are not to be trusted to know the truth for themselves. Do you see the physics dilemma here? The only way I could undermine this org is if what I exposed was not true. Can you trust Lev Vl and above to find the truth for themselves? Ask them what the truth is for them without guilt, without influencing them or leading them? Ask them to read this material for themselves, decide and go into corrective action? My wish would be that you could trust that the truth will heal, unite and bring things back together on a correct foundation, in natural unity, in free discourse and co-creation.

If not, it seems that the system will be upheld at all costs, people will continue to be hurt, leave, and ‘attack’, and you will all be victims again. What we focus on manifests, over and over. Thanks again for your time. This is not an easy thing I know.

With best regards, D

Senior Minister Again, after reviewing Lessons in Awareness material.

April 21, 2004
From: (Senior Minister)
To: US board and Diane’s Letter Committee

In reading the documents that Diane sent out, I was in agreement with a few items that she mentioned in the personal notes of her document. Most of what she wrote in the document has not been my experience of the work or function of the organization of Training in Power. I did, however, feel that although we do know about certain problem areas, that we have not been actively correcting these areas. I will highlight below, what I feel needs addressment from what was alluded to by Diane in her writings.

My relationship with (the founder), (founder’s #1 Senior Minister) and other senior people in this organization is important to me. I ask for very tight confidentiality on the contents of this document. If you use any of my information I ask that it be incorporated in such a way as to not identify me as the sole provider of the information. I will stand behind my comments openly if asked to and yet I do not want to have my comments viewed or taken out of context by anyone. Far too often people are accused of attacking another when they are actually speaking truth in this organization or outside of it. I would prefer to have the ability to clarify my comments, if needed, before being accused of attacking and then being dismissed for them. This type of thing does happen within this organization and is one of the areas that need to be corrected. I would be happy to lend clarification or site specific events, if needed by the committee. I am available in any capacity that will assist us in moving forward as a more healthy organization over-all.

1. Confidentiality is still a problem. I have found that we do have a problem in this area with senior people, including Faye. There is no a clear cut definition or boundary in place for the organization, which states exactly when and to whom private information may be shared. Often it is shared under the guise of a “need-to-know’ basis, however this is a gray area because who defines the “need-to-know”?

2. I agree with Diane’s comments that people have had their reputations damaged because of accusations that are made without enough tangible evidence being presented to support the accusations. People have been accused of abuse, theft, soldier gathering and so on. When in truth, there was no supporting evidence except that of an energetic viewpoint. Reading energy is very subjective and can be very inaccurate. I would like to find a way that allows for a full investigation on a suspicion before any public announcement or sharing of the accusation occurs. Our laws support the idea that we are innocent until proven guilty yet in this organization we are guilty until we prove empirically that we are innocent. Even then, just because someone saw it in energy, we are forever suspect even if we did not do whatever we were accused of.

3. I would like to support Diane’s suggestion that TIP find a way to make the organization seem less of a “Hotel California” were you can enter but you can never leave. We are an educational system and no other educational system requires a full lifetime agreement to be involved with the organization. What this will require is finding a way to allow people to be assessed on their vibrational status before they can resume the power portion of our training.

4. We are supposed to be an organization of people who are supportive of differences in belief systems, religious and otherwise. I would like to find a way to educate people to allow others their journey without judgment. Faye has made a huge attempt to train people in this area and we as an organization need to find a way to support her efforts here beyond working the focuses in meetings.

5. Everyone knows that Faye has a hair=trigger temper and everyone knows how hard she works to hold it in. I wonder if we could find a way to support Faye as she prepares to become more of a public official by aiding her to work with an image consultant and anger management specialist.

6. Diane alluded to a problem with Faye’s right hand person. I am assuming that she was referring to (Sr.Minister 1) in this statement. First we need to find out for sure if it was (…) (Sr.Minister 1) that was being referenced, and we need to find a way to address a long time problem with (Sr.Minister 1)’s management and training style. Faye has been alerted to the problems in this area for a long time and I believe that she feels stuck on how to make the changes that need to occur. (Sr.Minister 1) is aggressively passive-aggressive, manipulative, retaliatory, destructive and all of this is done in such a nice way. She continually over-rides, bypasses or ignores the policy and protocol that has been put in place in the organization. This leads to others thinking that they too can override rules they feel they want their own way. Most if, not all, of the senior people of this organization, including myself, have been hurt by (Sr.Minister 1)’s lies and actions over the years. I have witnessed (Sr.Minister 1) destroy people’s reputations and careers or progress in the organization just because she felt threatened by that person or didn’t like them somehow. This has gone on since I began the training. I reported this in the survey that was done several years ago, as did others. I finally breathed a sigh of relief once I became a Senior Minister, because there was nothing (Sr.Minister 1) could do now to interfere with my role in the organization. She had interfered so many times before and now she no longer could. Her training methods are not effective. For years I have watched people thrown into doing tasks or being trained into teaching Level ll, without adequate preparation. I have seen this happen and then as a follow-up they are made wrong, by (Sr.Minister 1), for having been unsuccessful at completing the task they were thrown into.

She is not a trainer. I have had to train almost everyone she has worked with here in Canada and have heard over and over that (Sr.Minister 1) never trained them or taught them anything and that they always felt something was wrong with them because they didn’t understand how to do something, even after (Sr.Minister 1) had worked with them.

One of the most difficult things to deal with here is that (Sr.Minister 1) rarely, if ever, has taken responsibility for being wrong or for her lies. My experience has been that she always places the blame on the other person or makes another person the scapegoat to draw attention away from herself. Although Faye knows that (Sr.Minister 1) behaves in this way, there is little difference between her behavior now and 12 years ago when I first met her. I have witnessed Faye’s perspective about someone change once (Sr.Minister 1) has dissed them to Faye.

What I would like to see is a way to channel (Sr.Minister 1)’s energies elsewhere. If she were to remain in the role of Trainer and Educational Manager, I would like to see her be the recipient of a course in management styles and techniques. Perhaps we could include all of the senor people to participate in this and I do feel we need to find a way to address this directly with (Sr.Minister 1).

Many individuals have come to me seeking advice on how to confront (Sr.Minister 1) and they all fear doing so because of the retaliation that will occur over the coming months. Thus, effective confrontation never occurs. We’ve simply all learned how to play the game with this person’s abusive dynamics until we no longer feel we can be affected by her. That unfortunately leaves many people behind us still fearing for their careers in this organization and of course our reputations are always open to attack. I want everyone to understand that I do not have a personal ‘hate-on’ for (Sr.Minister 1). (Sr.Minister 1) is a long-time colleague of mine and I have a great love and respect for her. I just don’t like her behavior.

7. Diane spoke about many people working hard for no pay and she felt this was incorrect. I believe that we all agree that there is a great imbalance here and I believe we are working on this area. I do see one area of education that could support the efforts being made here already. I see that we need to educate people that being ‘of service’ is not about volunteering for TIP. Volunteering for this organization is one area where a person can place their service hours. Still, many do not have the time to afford to spend on volunteer efforts for TIP. Often people are made to feel guilty for this and I know of some people who have chosen to leave behind the training that they love because they feel they are expected to volunteer, run meetings and teach for TIP. Many of these people have been of service in other areas. They work in hospitals, with street kids, in mental health facilities, with the elderly, with children and so on. All of these and many other jobs are jobs ‘of service’. We are to be of service to Spirit and God/the Universe, not an individual nor an organization in specific. I feel that if we correct this area we will have a correction to our volunteer areas in the organization also. We need to award value to everyone’s time and effort regardless of who they are or what they do. Our current structure is in a state of change and hopefully we will correct the great imbalance that Diane speaks of.

8. Mostly I see this as a great time for healing and an opportunity for us to grow from here. We have been functioning as a dysfunctional family and we have been way too familiar with each other. In over familiarity there is a loss of respect that needs to be regained. We need to continue to remind people that we are a group of like-minded individuals yet are not all the same. We need to remind people that just because we go to classes, meetings and healing groups together that it doesn’t mean we know each other. In truth, very few people truly know any one of us, including Faye. When we know people by association only, we then tend to build up a fantasy or story around that person about who they really are. It is this fantasy or story that gets rattled apart when people begin to deal with us on a daily basis and begin to see who we really are. This has worked against Faye so often. People build up a story about who she is, never really getting to know her or to understand who she is. They when they become involved with her they tend to make her wrong for not being that perfect person whom they created in their mind’s eye. I have seen her raked over the coals for not being other than who she is. If we were able to teach people that we need to get to know a person really well, to even begin to see them, we would be doing this organization a great service. We would be helping people to learn to see Faye as a human who teaches a beautiful system of power and who has an amazing ability to walk and live in spirit. I do not know how we can teach people this but I feel we need to find a way.

I hope that this input offers some assistance in coming to understand where some of Diane’s angst comes from. In her letter in response to my email to her, she said that I know of what she speaks and that I know what she has been speaking against for years. I do not personally know what Diane has commented on over the years and yet I have awareness that there are areas where change must happen. I feel if we work together we can really move forward with what matters, rather than spending time fixing what happens as a result of unfinished business.

(Senior Minister)

Comments on this letter from Diane

In this letter, xxxxx responds to the “Lessons in Awareness” document sent to the Board critiquing Training in Power when I resigned. Although this is the most direct communication I have seen at a high level in the training, it is important to demonstrate the group thinking that still holds the root causes of abuse in denial. When faced with the problems in the training, trainers often say things are changing in the organization. Yes, there have always been changes. Meanwhile, so much hurtfulness!  One must ask why it took a 124 page document and a high level resignation to get to the point where someone in leadership could finally speak (albeit from a plea of tight confidentiality at the risk of the very dismissal I experienced) about some of these major long standing issues. I very much appreciate this well-meaning and truthful letter, but it does not get close enough to underlying abuse within the training.

Xxxxx acknowledges problems in the organization, especially with (Sr. Minister 1)’s  behavior, yet does not recognize that Faye’s behavior has been just as harmful.  Both (Sr. Minister 1) and Faye have a root dynamic that justifies and protects their abuse of others: they feel they are right and others are wrong, without question, and therefore cannot be addressed without some kind of retaliation. This co-enabled behavior has caused years of pain and suffering to many.

I can understand the value of a top level trainer who is patient, waiting for students as well as Faye to get the healing they need when they do, but in the case of a top level leader, the mental health of students are at stake. Regardless, if the training is truly effective, one must wonder how (Sr. Minister 1), who must be by now getting close to 20 years in the training and in the highest level, can be so unwell. Her damage to students and to the organization was staggering, even early on, and yet she was elevated to Senior Minister and Education Manager, as well as permitted to attain and continue in the highest levels of training. But to scapegoat her only protects the root cause.

Xxxxx says that Faye is pure and lives in spirit. As we know and have witnessed countless times, this teacher publicly or privately stonewalled, dismissed, discredited, gas-lighted, shamed, seduced, ignored, raged at, denigrated, made accusations of theft and soldier-gathering, and humiliated students. She judged students without fair representation, told students of hidden sexual abuse they perpetrated on their own children and accused fathers she didn’t even know of sexual abuse. This ‘psychic’ style is passed on to her teachers.

Who is to say what it means to live in spirit here, and who is to say what purity is, but each person deserves basic respect, courtesy and fair representation. Each person who received this treatment or witnessed it done to others deserved to voice an objection. Each student who gives their trust to an organization dealing with mental health deserves to receive basic sound advice, at least most of the time, and to have an avenue of accountability to protect themselves. I support all those who suffer and are on the healing path, yet to continue to justify abuse, not change, and punish those who protest their treatment, is unconscionable.

Students are conditioned to trust that Faye has the bigger view of where we’re all going.  As the one and only knower of this big picture, she has created a huge license for abuse when students such as Xxxxx trust that abusive behavior has a grander reason.  Faye basically states that she is leading an experiment on planet earth (it is not stated who set this experiment up) to wake up as many as she can. Inherent in this directive is the implication that if we don’t do this training (which is said to be not for everyone) we fail ourselves, fail planet earth and fail the universe who wants us to succeed.

Xxxxx does not yet connect Faye at the root of this ‘my way or fail’ energetic power-over in the training and that the training itself is set up as a power-over structure.  If it wasn’t, these problems would have been addressed years ago, and the damage to many innocent people could have been prevented.

Many good people have been hurt by this structure, and we’ll never know the full extent of the harm done to those who left in silence with no outside support network to understood their cult experience. This is far beyond an anger management problem.


A View of the Training Through Personal Correspondences


To: D
Sent: Tuesday, July 01, 2003 11:51 AM
Subject: Ethics

Dear D,

I need to ask you a question. We have all experienced abuse from a few “elite” Canadians. I have waited to teach because of this abuse of power and need to control. I stepped back from leadership positions because of this. I must know from your own experience if this abuse and need to control is based on childhood fear dynamics or whether there is conscious intent to control for personal financial/other gain on the part of these few elite Canadians. I am willing to attempt to correct “cultural differences” if they are simply fears, but I will not support a pyramid of control that is not ethical. Spiritually or culturally.

I have listened to your perspectives throughout these dealings and believe because of your experience with these elite that you might be able to provide an impartial perspective. If you decide to provide this insight it will be just between the two of us. So is your leaving based on personal reasons or have you seen too much?

Excuse me if this seems a bit paranoid, but whatever my fear is about, I can’t shake it. I can’t get back to that state of unconditional love of this organization or the people who really seem to have and covet the control.

If you choose not to respond to this request I will honor that.


Response to ‘Ethics’

(My response below was written before I had the group abuse material put together, and I still wasn’t seeing the full extent of the abuse. I was still hoping to be able to help the group. I’ll have to admit now, in 2007, how much this seems like a foreign world, one I had slowly gotten used to. We were after all saving the world. Coming out of this drama took time and deprogramming.  Also, I very much need to note that in a new agey statement I make below “ …each soul has its own journey, ultimately to self-realization, and we are all where we are supposed to be!” that I don’t believe in non-interference or withholding information when it comes to an abusive situation.  Some new agers believe we choose our circumstances (abuse) in order to grow.  To put it kindly, this is just another make-believe story, a belief, that gives solace or security to those who must have it, and can be a way to let the abuser off the hook by excusing the abuser or the abuse as just something we needed.)

Re: Ethics

Date: Sat, 5 Jul 2003 23:24:14 -0700

No one has dared to directly ask me the question you have asked—so this has been an opportunity to look at how much I will share and for what reason. I’m responding to the quest for truth and want to share what I have learned, at the same time, I recognize that each soul has its own journey, ultimately to self-realization, and we are all where we are supposed to be! (The leader) is doing what she wants to do and has that right, regardless of what anyone thinks. This is important to realize. Below you will see my frustrations, conclusions and perspective. It was quite a process. I have included some excerpts (dated material) from my years of daily journaling, definitely in the frustration category. (The leader) once said I have enough on her to wipe out the training—and at one point I was so angry that I was tempted. But that’s not my job, my job is to seek the truth for myself and to heal. Karma will take care of all else. I see your request as a witnessing, of me and of those in the training, and I thank you for that.

I understand the feeling of not being able to shake off the fear or doubt. I have lived with that feeling for years in the training and have searched and searched for answers, in various places. So I share now with the premise that it is my experience you are asking about, and that it may help your process. I trust that you will understand that for me this isn’t about judging what is right or wrong, it is about assessing energy and self-trust. It is about becoming aware, about seeing life’s drama, and choosing where I want to put my energy. I do not think you are paranoid, just seeking truth, trust of self, and choice. With self-trust, we can relax and go about our business with greater ease, in or out of the training.

Satyen, at Wizard camp last week, talked about the 3 levels of self-realization. 1 is instinctual, 2 is awareness through lessons (drama!), and 3 is conscious choice. He said that’s all there is, and when you are in conscious choice, you will chose to consciously go into each experience, sometimes just because there is fear. That is enlightenment! This is free will and self-responsibility to do what we need to do in life to attain our awareness. The 7 of us from the training who attended Wizard camp had many realizations about the training from a physics standpoint, as well as from a heart standpoint. We put the training into step 2, awareness through lessons, and from that perspective, it is a rich opportunity.

You identify two possible motivations for the abuse of power & control within the training.  One is unconscious and one conscious. Whether they be childhood fear dynamics or whether there is conscious intent to control for personal financial/other gain on the part of these few elite Canadians, I cannot answer, but if they are childhood fear dynamics, they have not changed in all the years I have watched them. For years I held a vision for myself and others in the training that we were forging a new organization. That no matter what appeared to be wrong, we were all clearing, correcting, and working toward healing by seeking the truth.

I began to ask why at one point, why are major issues, most of which were identified in the survey a couple years ago, not being addressed? One example of many serves to identify an issue of control.  Nicki (who left in 1997) was the first to bring up money issues about subsidizing Canadians at retreats. This has gone on for years, and when I was on the board, (the founder ) had us convinced we (US students) should pay in this way, actually in tears of joy to pay this way.

This year, finally, after much work by those in the US, the US will take a stand and pay in Canadian $ for the retreat. Meanwhile, the question remains, why were US people shamed, humiliated, cajoled, and made to feel guilty all these years by (the founder) and her supporters, because they didn’t agree with this? The founder can now say, ok, it’s correct now. Meanwhile, look at the negativity and pain produced.

In comparing the Toltec and T.Harv Ecker work I have recently done with my years in this organization, I have come to see the controls, ones I have known all along but that I could not register fully in my conscious awareness because the training has been my life, and I have wanted to believe in it and its purpose. It not only meant community but, until recently, it meant being with a person I was very much in love with, and who said she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. Now, after experiencing other work, I can see that (the founder) has created a training construct that not only violates physics, but love and trust.

One example is the Law of Attraction; for if a training keeps you feeling you are lacking without it, if you are threatened with loss of ‘soul’ or a ‘fall’ in vibration if you leave, if anger, guilt or fear is used to control thought or action, if people are ‘watched’ (by ministers) because they are doing ‘outside’ work, if dissent is not allowed, if group-think rules over individual freedom of expression, if you go into outreach with a promise of support and don’t follow through, then it is in power over and a misuse of power, period. I was told by (the founder) twice in anger that I would lose my soul if I left! (If I have spent 12 years in this organization, I will lose all that by leaving?)

The issues I have been addressing for years with (the founder) that sabotage this training are woven into its very operating style (beginning in Level 1) and are held in place by denial, manipulation and passive-aggressiveness. The incredible contradictions in teachings and actual construct, in theory and practice, the incredible contradictions in (the founder)’s behavior, violate the very basis of the co-creative energy this planet needs, the very basis of healthy human interaction— truth, courtesy, love, respect, safety, co-creation and common sense. It also violates free will; trust that others know what is right for them without force.

That we are an abused population (note: this what we called ourselves-everyone was sexually abused whether they remember it or not) in no way excuses the behavior I have seen justified in the name of power:  soldier-gathering, lack of confidentiality, favoritism/elitism, power-over, and control in the name of ‘psychic’ reading of energy. It is not about who has what issue, for we all have issues; it is about the willingness to come to the table to discuss, and to heal if necessary.

From my journal, in May of 2001, you can see my frustrations & assessments:

5/18/01 ….for years I have spoken of this, of power over, of hierarchical pathology in the workings of this training, and tried to approach it in various ways by talking to (****) or (***).  Nothing changed. I discussed a specific issue with (***) years ago, she agreed with me at the time, then proceeded to not only not make any changes, but to silence me by publicly supporting the status quo. Is it conscious? I don’t know, but nothing has changed. I am tired of supporting those who are hit in energy, telling them it will be better, it’s just the youngness of the organization, strategic planning is coming, do their own journey, it’s being worked on, etc., etc., etc., when the underlying issues are so protected from change. The ones who support her are rewarded, and the opposing factions go underground, feeling unsafe. People tell me of a problem, then I watch as they flat out bury it when face to face with defensive leadership, who deflect their accountability with rote power rules. Yes, I listen to students, jolt them when needed, but I do not use manipulation or power over to do it! That is the difference.

I don’t know now that this training will survive it’s power issues, the premise that the only way to jolt people to health is with jolting them, power over, brick wall of ‘I’m right about you and you’re wrong’, blaming, shaming, and humiliating to get things done, defensive ego-bound positions that are as far from humble (and enlightened) as can be! When I hear over and over, directly and by the grapevine that I am seen in integrity, truth, fairness, purity, cleanness and that this is not so in the training workings, I must ask: WHY NOT? When I am told I am the ‘heart’ of the training and if I leave it will lose its heart, I must ask WHY? I no longer believe that I just haven’t communicated it right; that I haven’t stepped up; that I am not doing enough to help!  And how much more will I try? I’ve been supporting people to identify and bring issues out in the open to be worked with, but people cannot withstand the deflecting energy that comes at them. They admit they are in fear and don’t want to risk being hit with cool rationalized justification on a protected position, let alone rage.

The structure is such that if (****) rages or if (***) is passive/aggressive, fear prevents anyone from addressing them, and students divide into factions: those that unquestionably defend them (they are just human) then “address” those who do say something (usually in healing groups). Leadership acts the victim, after all, look what you…everyone is doing to them. I was accused of making Sensei so severely sick because I could not follow through on Faye’s threesome, and he was in Vancouver with her at the time! She said that because when I “pulled the plug” on the threesome Sensei took the hit that would have killed her. Sensei was never sick in my presence! To blame and accuse others is the mechanism to stay in denial about the consequences of your own actions. This self-important dynamic assures control and is woven into the very fabric of the training itself.

Those who use this defensive control tactic (steeped in training rhetoric and lingo) talk about themselves and their issues all the time in pat analytical terms, so they seem to be open.  They tell great healing stories , they look good, they look like they are working, but they do not truly reveal themselves and are not open to disagreement.  (***) is the biggest block to the fresh air this organization needs to grow and flourish. There is control and filtered interpretation of information to (****): she incites and blames others to (****).

It is a pretense of power. A man in the training was heard to say of his wife, who is in leadership: “she has lost her heart, she used to have a heart, and how she acts as she thinks power is supposed to be”. What a sad statement, for our heart is our true power.

From a 4/26/03 journal entry you can see my conclusions:

The founder has said that people ‘fall’, leave, because the consciousness she is bringing in is just too much for humanity, that this work is hard because people won’t face themselves and the truth. This ‘story’ keeps people in fear, exclusivity (pride) and guilt, and is misuse of power! There are many leaders reaching thousands of people and successfully adding to critical mass; the readiness is there. But implicit in her battle cry is that she is the only way, which does nothing to unite light workers to sort out what is right. The founder is the very antithesis of uniting people to action in the world, and her training only serves to isolate each person into a separative, robotic training box.

She says this work is hard and that’s why so many “fall”— but so many people are clearing (healing) now, in thousands of organizations, that the only hard thing about this org is to keep up the incongruent pretense of its exclusive story. The organizations that are making a difference unite people into action by a universal appeal that is beyond ‘control for your own good’, beyond the politics of humanity. This closed platform will never allow the learning curve it will take to unlearn the old and move on to true humanitarian levels.

And today, you can see my perspective:

Now, XXXXX, having shared all that, I think this training does serve a purpose, and is here for those who resonate with it, for whatever reason. It definitely can clear some core issues, and has helped many do just that, including myself. As far as a holistic training, it misses some critical basics in early levels, takes too long, creates dependency & ego, does not support wholeness, and is consistently controlled to serve (the founder). But then, it may also be her healing. It can be a great training ground for those who can use it consciously, or a stepping stone approach for the gullible until they come to their courage to wake up.

I have done much work to clear any judgment or residual reactions to the founder or training issues, to release the anger at the wake up call, and re-find the love. I’m just about there, and with the other trainings I have done recently, have come to perspective. Could I have done it any other way? Probably, but I fell in love and evidently needed this drama until I didn’t. In fairness to (****), she is in her truth. That is each person’s duty, to fully enact who they are and learn their lessons. The laws of Karma will prevail for each of us. So yes, I leave for personal reasons, and yes I have seen a lot. It’s just my job now to choose what I resonate with.

Hope this helps you, first and foremost to trust your perception, then to heal and make conscious choices on your heart path.

Yours for Freedom,

The response to my reply:

Dear D,

Thank you for sharing this with me. The reason I asked is I saw that you have always kept your most precious treasures safe. Your children. That told me a lot. There were no eye openers in your letter so you can rest assured that you have not altered my journey.

Good luck on your quest of impeccability! There are safer places to open that gorgeous heart of yours.

Love and respect

9/03 Writings in other correspondences to friends:

…the more distance and understanding I have the more I am able to replace the angst that comes up with compassion, for myself and learning this hard lesson, and for those who abuse, for they are hurt too.

I was able to compare TIP with another training recently. It combines vibrational healing and physics too. But the physical healings actually work. There is no withholding of information, no ‘here is a half dollar bill and I will give you the other half when you’re ready for it’.  In all the years I’ve  been in this training, I have seen no one really heal anything. They learn the story, the mechanical, rote story, over and over and over, and then act in power and feel better to a point. But they are trained into addiction to what’s  next in the mystical story, and by Lev Vl still not feeling empowered inside or physically well. After 3 or 4 years of training, this is sad. Too much mysticism and too little action in the world I think. In MW (the martial arts class given once a week) people were working with DNA, but mystically and obscurely. DNA work is incredibly valuable and specific, and could be introduced in the levels early on without the mystic mumbo jumbo.

The constant focus on attack isn’t good! According to manifestation principles we know that a positive focus aligns energy to manifest that focus. If one puts out a good focus one cannot get disaster back, especially an impersonal disaster, therefore the training uses a term called displacement to say that a positive thing is replacing a negative thing, and the negative thing is reacting and causing problems.

If a car is stolen (personal) or a bridge collapses (impersonal) when a class is taught, it is claimed that it’s  displacement, which is saying that a negative reaction is happening because the positive displaced the negative! Although it is common in many disciplines to watch the environment for significators, the constant focus of linking negative reactions to the importance of the teachings is one of the biggest ‘stories’ of self-importance in this training. A more healthy way to use the term displacement could be that if I help a victim to get away from an abuser, and the abuser comes after me, there is a direct causal relationship that must be dealt with. Another correct example is if I assist someone and they get angry at me as they clear an issue, the positive displaced the negative and the negative reacted. The issue seems to be in the causal relationship. To view the world in mystical “attack”  just isn’t useful to anyone but trainers, who wrap themselves in it as if it were a badge of honor.

So, the training story is focused on doing energetic work to clear energetics, which causes “displacement” or negativity. Whenever there is something going on, with a person or class, anything negative that happens is because of displacement or attack. So a positive intent is heavily linked to negatives, which can only then manifest negatives! Steeped in negatives and isolated from others who are not in the story, it is no wonder everyone is always “under attack”, and having to say so or else be called nave!! What a way to live! And what a way to get out of taking responsibility for one’s life and actions. It is also no wonder that everyone gains weight and is sick often, with such a negative focus.

With this kind of focus, this work only produces this work; negative, attack producing manifestations. Successful groups empower each individual to find their own answers, face truth, and to fully enact who they are, rather than guiding them to conform to a rigid structure of ‘enlightenment’ that not only takes years to accomplish, but eventually ensures compliance by saying that those who leave will ‘fall’ in vibration and are under attack. This is a most intricate web, and the fact we cannot talk openly about it without being felt as attacking is a symptom of the worst kind.

I was working on this stuff and the electricity went off and I lost it. So, do I blame it on the importance of the work I was doing, or to the fact that the Lev Vl course is coming up soon, or to evil trying to stop me because I’m in the highest level now? I just figure I won’t compose stuff in my email program that I want to keep! Maybe it’s  more exciting and mysterious to fight demons and attack, but I think there is an incredible world of mystery out there without having to buy into this intricate web of attack dynamics. And there are many ‘evil’ right in the neighborhood to put my energy to. I watched a video tape of a teacher’s meeting a few months ago in which (the founder) asked people to stand up to tell how bad the NW energy is, because her new attraction has not been able to get a job for a year and a half! I laughed out loud and felt sorry for these victims who are enabling each other, and am glad to be out of having to keep a straight face with those victim stories that blame the external for their own woes.

I gave my power away to a great storyteller. I was vulnerable to a storyteller who professed to know the ‘truth’.  Examine each sentence in Lev l for its intent to control or manipulate the student. You’ll begin to see the training in a new way. D.

Correspondence 12/03

To a friend who wrote after she left the training:

Thank you for sharing your musings, your heart thoughts out loud. It is such a personal journey, and as long as we’re asking for the truth, we’ll get our answers!

Indeed it is all a story here; it is all in our mind, and it’s all about learning. We progress at our own pace to learn the quality of love, and each individual that does is helping out our world. It’s how we enact the love in every action in our daily life that really counts, not adopting a cause or a story that keeps us in battle and in pain. Actually we are progressing collectively in bits; we are aware as a society now that child abuse is not right. A hundred years ago kids weren’t even seen as people at all! Granted, in some parts of the world this is so, but I think the internet is quickening the spreading of information.

Spiritual teachings of high calibration support Self-realization, the self observer that begins to let go of attachment to any mind ‘story’ and the judgment and victimhood of our thoughts. In Power vs. Force, a repeated theme is that the mind cannot know the difference between what is true and what is false in its own consciousness level. It is said that under 150 consciousness (Power vs. Force) we need help to get out of our tangled thoughts. That’s why the training seduced me in early levels. It replaced my story with another, one of ‘power’, but it did not truly clear me emotionally. After twelve years it was only through my experience elsewhere that I realized how right on I had been in feeling something was very amiss, and how much I had missed by being so involved with this isolated story. It is abuse if a teacher does not let go of her own story in order to encourage self-realization in others, which is true power. Upper levels continue to be shamed into being compliant with her rules of ‘how it is’.

It was said in (the highest level review class) this month that the human must do whatever it takes to stay in this place… to buy new houses and find new lovers is ok because the spirit is pure. It is a position to hold. Well, in a way she is right. She must do what she must to learn her lessons, as each one of us must. To teach such a justification however is telling; how empty one must feel inside to have to live for the next conquest. D.