Submitted anonymously
Hi there! Thanks for your response. It is hard to be in this place when so many of my friends despite how much negativity they may express about the training they are not here where I am. I think my leaving has only set them deeper in. I am torn between my friends and between what I know.
I imagine the reasons I’ve left are similar to many. I could no longer reconcile myself with the double binds. “Love is all there is – all else is illusion”, but if you don’t use your power you will attract those that will destroy you for it. All out fear tactics.
I am a Level VII and if I believe what I’m told in Level VII – well then my leaving means I’m under huge attack right now and covered in Nephilim. I know that is not true. I am a being of Light and Love. My friends in the training all say they support whatever decision I make and I know from having been there that they cannot look at me without looking for signs of the bad that will surely follow. Many have asked me if I’ll heal with them and cannot fathom whyI will not do the Level VII healings or any healings for that matter.
I have stayed connected to the church – thinking maybe I could at least stay connected to my friends and not have to make it all bad. However, yesterday at church they were asked to share what brought them to the training. I kept inside repeating my own mantra. “Love is what I am and Love is what I do.”but you can imagine that I felt I was being sucked in by some unseen force -stalked. I held in Light and Love.
I’m very focused right now on staying in a place of Joy, Love and Peace as that is what I wish to attract. As I have grown more and more familiar with the laws of attraction, I’ve felt more and more out of sync with the training.
I knew when it changed but for a long time couldn’t remember what happened, and then I did. I was chairing the Social Committee. I was slammed by a senior level at the pre-party. I held in Love because I am good at doing that and Idid what I needed to do. Saturday night at the Winter Solstice, a senior level and minister (neither of the Karen’s) decided to shame and scold me for not doing something, I could not have known needed to be done. I spent 1/2 hour outside crying and trying to recover from this triggering event. She did not apologize for slamming me. I did not slam back because I will not be abusive in response to abuse, and yes there was harm done.
I didn’t want to go to the retreat. I kept trying to get the passion back but I kept running into senior levels who slammed me in one way or another for merely being and doing what I do and that is to be of light. I spoke once at a meeting as an auditor from my heart about the focus. The supervisor whom I have known, loved and respected, came up to me after. I opened my arms expecting they wanted a hug as I had only love in my heart, and this person demanded to know what I thought I was doing in my share – that it wasn’t my job to clear the room – on and on. The rant went on about “how dare I’ and I left triggered in tears, flying out of the room – not knowing then or now, what I had done wrong. I could never speak again at a meeting without a great deal of self-censoring and care.
Then there was the shaming of a Level VII at Level VI and then the shaming of all the VI’s. We’re taught that this is all attack right, but there is Harm done and inside was a voice that kept screaming “Yes Harm Done”. Then there was the shaming of the Level VII’s at the Level VII retreat for not doing more and taking on more in the community healing groups. Since it was all I could do to keep holding this position – every two weeks and under no circumstances could I have taken on more clients, I was deeply shaken. I came so close to leaving at that moment and I sent out a prayer. I said “God make this shaming stop, change what’s happening here” and it shifted and Faye came back to a place of Love and “Yes Harm Done”.
I could never get my passion back to teach, I could never really get my passion for tip back.
I am at times angry, incredibly angry, that I gave my power away to senior levels and to an organization. If FAYE does not clean up her act – none of those senior levels that have her style of modus operandi will. This is simply not in my nature. I know without a doubt when I am out of line, when I hit someone energetically even if I have said no unkind words. I go back and apologize. I want you to know I’m sorry and that wasn’t about you, I was upset about something else and you happened to come by and I’m really sorry because you didn’t deserve that and I deserve nothing less than that from others.
Am I afraid. You bet I am. Could I talk to Faye about my concerns. I will not. Do I ask for help and protection every day from the Angels. Yes! Have I been shown How loved and protected I am.
Do I feel conflicted at times. Yes I loved the training, I loved the senior levels and the ministers. I want to see the Divine in all things.
I think the hardest thing right now is adjusting to the change – it’s knowing that each week it gets harder to hang around with people who I love because always there is some way in which they talk about how wonderful the training is. Nobody talks to me anymore about their grievances only about how wonderful it all is. I feel sad at how wrapped they are and I feel sad because I know I did and said what they are doing and saying. Everyday I clean the slate, clearing away and forgiving, cutting cords and filling with Love and Light and sending Light for healing and renewal.
I am ecstatically joyful!!!! The joy I felt when I took myself with clear intent out of the tandem was unbelievable – amazing, awesome, awe inspiring peace, quiet, solitude.
I actually think people get sick physically in the training – I see it everywhere and I know the physics is wrong on the tandem and on the community healings. They might work sometimes but the ones holding them get sick. I believe that we should only do the healing and set it down – never hold them in the hospital or whatever. If you are holding a line open to them, you are open to getting sick and you are not helping them do anything but feed.
I guess that’s said almost all I need to say.
The money was also an issue. I was tired of not really telling my own children or family what I spent to be in training – another secret and I had shame about this – and why maybe because I knew it wasn’t right for me.
I ask forgiveness from all of those who have left tip before me, for I did not know what I was doing in not listening to you, and I am deeply grateful to know you are all out there and thriving beyond tip. It is scary too because I know as I move into being one of those who left – really has left I know I will be shunned. and yet how can I stay even in the church. I don’t want to have anything to do with bringing people to this and I am still reconciling not loving tip anymore. There are some who want me to be a Wayshower, showing others that you can stay involved through the church and still be okay but how can I? I know at some level it would only leave me open to being slammed at some point by someone and guess what I don’t deserve that ever!
I am praying every day for assistance and help in this adjustment period. Inlight, love, joy, peace, happiness and prosperity
(Name withheld by request).