Sent: Wednesday, March 03, 2004 3:33 PM
To the Boards of Training in Power, March 3, 2004
This is my official resignation from Training in Power. It will give all you need to know as to why I am leaving. If you want details you can read the following material on “Lessons in Awareness”. Sorry that it is so long, but it is the result of a year of research that contributed to my understanding of the last 12 years in the organization. It also contains some of my process in uncovering what I have uncovered. This material will cause rage in the founder. I am no longer controlled by her rage or tears, love or withdrawal of love. Her gift is incredible magnetism and her way is to rage at the obvious to cover incredible misuse of power. Gets people out of their bodies and into emotional compliance. Personally, as a spiritual leader, I would have asked for solution & win/win a long time ago, but then there would have been no one to fight!
For those who do not know me personally, I graduated from the UW in dental hygiene in 1979. I was married to a physician for 20 years and we have two girls who are now in pre-med at college, and emotionally healthy. My son, part of this family from a previous marriage, is at Boeing, a musician, and now developing a film business. When my girls were very young I had an ‘awakening’. After diving into metaphysics and opening a metaphysical bookshop in 1990, I was told of an “eccentric interesting” teacher and took a class. I became involved in the organization and it felt like home. My husband and I divorced in 1995; we seemed to not fit into each other’s worlds anymore.
The founder began teaching in 1986; I joined Training in Power in 1991, completed Level Vl In 1994 and began teaching her work in April of 1995. I was on the original Board of Directors when we incorporated the organization into a non-profit in 1996 and continued in the leadership of the organization as a Minister, Level ll teacher, Supervisor and Teacher Trainer. In my personal training, I took Level Xll in the fall of 2002, the highest level taught at the time.
I could be seen as another disgruntled ex-partner to those who do not know me, and indeed, my closest friends have watched me struggle in a relationship with the founder. They also know that this was only part of my struggle in the last 4 years; the other part was seeking truth, for first and foremost I am a truth seeker on a path to freedom. Free will grants everyone the right to perceive as they do and in some cases I believe it is best to walk away from the training, as many have done, with a live and let live attitude. I did consider doing that.
The final piece I needed to hear in order to send this information out to be seen and witnessed came from hearing that the founder was talking to people about a lawsuit against me. Although I know she cannot do this, it is unconscionable that she is saying this. It was then I realized the full story needed to be exposed, not only about my findings in physics and spirituality about the training, but about how I could go from the healthiest person she knew, the best thing that every happened to her — to her abuser. Bluntly, I can now see that abuse is the lens that built this training, emotional control the foundation of its operating style. My family has known me as strong and healthy type, a heart who is a hub of family life and activities. I’m not a victim and to have had to admit I have signs of severe Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome through my process of trying to correct incorrect energy was proof to me of a severely abusive experience.
I am deeply sad about this, but I understand now why and how this happens in the training to innocent people. I ask that you stand in your own power to look at the following incongruence built into the training. In dismissing me as an “abusive’ ex-lover or an evil, fallen soul, a lens is held that cannot get to the truth. The pattern is old in this training; there are those that leave, and over and over new people, feeling privileged, eagerly take up their positions, and this material is again pushed under the carpet and dismissed. I could not hear the seeds of truth left by those before me, but I am doing the same, leaving behind the seeds of truth. Those in sacred trust/spiritual leadership positions have a profound obligation to remain open to self-examination and accountability, and it is this self-examination and honesty I hope you embrace.
By now, you have been in the training a few years. The training appealed to me because it was based on the concepts of healing and truth. It has some incredible tools for empowerment and healing. I loved the people and the gatherings. The classes and meditations are familiar and special. I have a deep understanding and appreciation for those who have given their heart and muscle to the organization. Many are very busy, maybe feeling overworked, but enthused and feel that changes are happening. I will just say that this letter does not minimize the good that people have done or the good intentions of good people.
I was on the board, in leadership, and had the trust and love of many who would come to me with repeated problem areas. Some of these were identified in the 2001 survey. I encouraged people to speak out when they could. I found myself saying the same things, over and over: things are getting better, we’re making changes all the time, we’re working hard, here’s what is being done, yes, I see that but strategic planning is coming, or “go talk to so and so”.
Through a painful sorting I came to know beyond any doubt that this training is in major misuse of power. Attempts at correction have been met with emotional abuse, which emotionally wounded people gradually learn to accept in the name of ‘power’. The surface is smooth, full of the love, the undercurrent abusive. This undercurrent contains incongruence in that it claims to teach ‘true’ power yet as I discovered it is not in alignment with Universal Law, Physics or Enlightenment. Incongruence is defined as
“not corresponding: not corresponding in structure or content. From the Latin stem incongruent- literally “not in agreement; synonyms are “conflicting, dissonant, clashing”. Antonyms are “peace, harmony, resonance”.
There are two ways of dealing with incongruence; denial and change. Incongruence can be the source of scrambled energy or stress until it comes to awareness and resolution, OR it can be held in denial. Either way it will run the show until seen. An example would be that you may believe in love but hit your children. You will have some kind of justification, let’s say a belief it is good for them, and not feel the incongruence, OR you may sense the incongruence and change your behavior to bring congruence between your words and your actions.
If you are a spiritual leader you are in a Sacred Trust position. If you are repeatedly asked to become aware of misuse of power, you slip over into conscious evil intent if you continue to not address it, continue to emotionally manipulate wounded people to cover it up, attack those who would attempt to expose it, dismiss those you love because they get close to it, and magnetically convince others that anyone who brings it up is attacking you! I now bring the incongruence out into the light for exposure and healing if that will be done. You are dealing with people’s lives here— their mental, emotional and spiritual health. It is upon you to do independent research, to find out what it is to bring people to Self-realization, to unity consciousness, to truth, to enlightenment, to freedom and emotional health.
The ecstatic good in this training is the smooth surface. The underlying negative current is the incongruence of physics errors and vibrational healing errors that sabotage the very health of the organization and the people in it. These errors are why people do not teach or withdraw from teaching, why students frequently feel like little children being admonished instead of just being called on their stuff, why the training has not grown, why so many people leave in younger levels and why in older levels people leave in great pain and sometimes with anger. It is why there is such an us/them battle, why the good is so very good, and the bad so elusively irritating. It is why there is a feeling, many times overridden and suppressed in those who are sensitive, that something is just not quite right. It is why there is an unspoken tension and separation from family members and friends “outside” the training. It is why when people leave they “fall”.
This incongruence is hurting the very independence of the people in the organization who believe they are being empowered. This is misuse of power when it continues to not be addressed. This list is by no means complete: (edited 2007 for clarity, points however remain the same)
- It is incongruent to be told you have free will to express yourself but be given the feeling you are naive, out of position, a troublemaker, not in power, ignorant, in resistance when questioning or showing an emotional response.
- It is incongruent to be in the Sacred Trust of leading people to healthy emotional independence, or enlightenment, and then in any way emotionally abuse them, which is proven to create dependence in emotionally wounded, but many times intelligent people.
- It is incongruent to teach people to clear the victim lens but use this lens to blame and accuse them, threaten to sue, break student confidentiality, complain, cry, rage or scream at them for what they are doing to you. To use this lens to lay guilt or in any way coerce because leaders are so beleaguered, so generous, give so much, and are sick and in pain for doing this great work, and you are not doing enough. To use this victim lens behind the back to accuse someone but not go directly to that person to ask for clarification or co-creative problem solving.
- It is incongruent to teach a system of power but not give any feedback mechanism for students or leaders to hold leadership accountable. I spoke of this years ago. We on the ethics committee suggested a listening committee which is a step but not enough, for as has happened in the past, an authoritarian ego hierarchy in an arbitrary mystical system can claim obscure rules of ‘power’ to justify or counter blame. An authoritarian hierarchical system will naturally undermine egalitarian participation, or co-creation of healing.
- It is incongruent that free will is taught but leadership confuses a correct structure of authority with authoritarian control. This happens when ego control is used instead of humanitarian universal laws of unity consciousness. Unity consciousness says ‘here is the law, what can we do?”. Authority says ‘my way or the highway, I am right do as I say”. Authority usurps free will by “the ends justify the means” and “for your own good”. Authority does not have to listen. Unity consciousness honors free will, listens and asks for co-cre
- It is incongruent to say children and mates are a sacred trust but be made to feel that the importance of service to this work is valued over encouraging the time commitment it takes to preserve parenting or family relationships.
- It is incongruent in physics to be told this work is positive and powerful because bridges fall down, tornadoes appear, and dogs, kids and leaders get sick.
- It is incongruent with the laws of manifestation when students are led to believe that the more powerful they are the more “attack” they will have. If they are being trained to manifest, why do they manifest attack?
- It is incongruent to teach people to clear self-importance and “place the ego” then use such statements as “this training is not for everyone” ; instilling camaraderie, divisiveness and pride that they are so chosen to do this work. Statements like “you held the line”, “they just can’t face the truth”, “they are in denial”, “they just can’t take it, “they are falling” builds a false self-esteem in the group, a false pride that taps into fear of failure and divisiveness and is emotional bondage.
- It is incongruent to place students in a double bind that says free will is a universal law but inwardly be pressured to feel they must align others to the ‘true’ power. To honor free will but say they will lose their soul if they leave. (Which I was told twice) This is no different than saying you will go to hell if you don’t do this work. It is incongruent to claim to be healing the world when those people in a student’s life are made to feel wrong, less than, not spiritual for not doing this particular work.
- It is incongruent to say you are healing the world but undermine healthy relationships, the microcosm of world peace; to hear an upper level, in the name of psychic “sight” give an unquestionable pronouncement that rips apart another’s family (who are not known to them), with accusations of sexual abuse with no teaching, no counseling, no focus on query or building healthy communication or co-creative healing solutions.
- It is incongruent to be taught Self-First but your time is increasingly demanded in volunteer work and training activities.
- It is incongruent that students are not respected when they are discussed by leadership as if they were “babies” or incompetents behind their backs, who are not in power and not capable of knowing what is best for them. When supervisors create reports on meeting team members behind their backs, to be sent to all supervisors, because they need to pass on ‘problems’ to the next supervisor.
- It is incongruent that gossip is discouraged but students are discussed by or brought to the attention of leadership for troublemaking or doing something wrong, and they are not asked to be present to get their side of the story or dynamic. This is psychic attack.
- It is incongruent in an Oh Card reading to help students reveal their issues but have a hidden agenda to expose their assumed sex abuse.
- It is incongruent that this organization is said to heal abuse but has a hidden agenda that all abuse originates in sexual abuse. For example to to list symptoms that could be from many types of abuse, as signs of sexual abuse.
- It is incongruent in an organization seeking to empower that independent adults seeking autonomy are made to feel guilty, shamed or raged at for doing their honest best.
- It is incongruent to lead students to believe they are there to heal fear and guilt and then expect them to accept that the fear and guilt used against them are for their own good and making them well.
- It is incongruent to train people to trust themselves, yet meeting team members cannot be spontaneous but are conditioned into rote power rules when working with students. In other words there is a right and wrong TRAINING way to be psychic.
- It is incongruent to give a focus of “uniting light workers” but students are repeatedly told that no other system is valuable, works or has power; other light workers and systems must do this work.
- It is incongruent to tell students they do not need sleep when there is increasingly sound evidence that a good night’s sleep is critical to physical and mental health.
- It is incongruent to constantly be placed in a battle us/them consciousness when has been shown repeatedly in the healing world that battle creates a lowered vibration in which the body cannot heal. Battle feeds on lower vibration emotions and is addictive. It is said in the training that to not battle is naive. It is generally accepted in all traditional systems that to be aware, to take right action in the world and no longer have to battle is close to enlightenment.
- It is incongruent to teach people to be ego free but promote ego by the use of pride, guilt and fear and call the result power. The difference between ego and true power is critical to understand for every student, leader and humanitarian. But the huge ethical dilemma in the training is that emotionally wounded people cannot see this as incongruent.
It is unconscionable to condition and addict people over a period of years by ecstatic emotional appeal, sleep deprivation, and emotional guilt and fear into one’s own belief system and lens of power, rather than deepen them into their own knowing, self-realization, which is true power. To keep them seeking to know the next installment of the power story and bonded in service rather than being set free to do their dharma, or purpose in the world if they choose. It is bondage if in the name of service they are kept giving all their free time to serve while the money goes to the top of the pyramid.
It is misuse of sacred trust to convince people to accept a story that externalizes them by filling their minds with a system that consumes all their focus and energy to the extent they are not fully present to the moments of their lives, which is true power and enlightenment. And from Level l they are told they are being given tools to trust their own knowing, while their own knowing is slowly replaced by another’s system. It is no wonder the founder is always sick or depressed in having to hold all these people to this story. It is said to leave is to fall.
The fall is real indeed for some, for I have seen the results of those who wake up from this mesmerizing story, only to face they’ve been raped. Spiritual rape. It is misuse of power to cause such a severe “out there” split from reality that people are further conditioned into us/them consciousness and into emotional bondage to a story that I’ve found upper levels to take literally.
Their reality is replaced, not self-created, self-realized or even co-created.
So, I come to the end of this letter. I honor all of you for responding to that in you which wants to make the world a better place. My heartfelt wish is for healing through awareness. I’m available and open to any further discussion, and if you wish me to be present at your next board meeting let me know.
With love and respect,