By Christiane
(from her positions as a student and the executive director in Germany)
To: Training in Power
I signed the letter “community resignation Germany”. This will be a personal addition from me as the lead of the German community.
I am resigning in clarity, in deep self love, self respect and an loving honor of my dignity.
I am the one who brought this work TIP 9 years ago to Germany, after Faye gave her ok and a teacher was willing to travel and to teach in Europe.
With all my heart I believed that Faye’s system will help me and lots of others to heal on all levels. And to learn about universal wisdom from a teacher, who calls herself the rememberer. The one who tells the students that she came to teach knowledge from level IV on, which was never taught before on this planet. It excited me to be one of those who has access to this knowledge and the involved power, which gets power transferred by the teacher, as the students are told. I got so hooked, that I wanted to go through all the levels in order to learn everything possible. So much did I trust, believed in, honored and loved my spiritual teacher.
10 years after I started with level I, being now in level X, I am standing joyfully in front of a big pile of shattered pieces.
I am free again. Free from a system which changed my world and human picture in an tremendous way. I lost myself more and more because I strictly followed the teachings. I believed my teacher more than myself. I gave my power away. I also allowed to be guided and lead further and further out of the reality.
The group consciousness I experienced dictates to perceive me now after this resignation as a “fallen” one, one of those who didn’t make it. One of those, who is taken out. I might be also accused, that I took people out.
The older levels might perceive me as a possible danger to their system and to any active student I will have contact to. It might be, that I am badly and disrespectful spoken about behind my back. If these responses happen, you will be able to recognize the intensity of this brainwashing mind control within TIP. This is exactly what happened to so many students, who already resigned with serious concerns for years. I experienced these responses often. I know how people were spoken about, when they left. And all the older levels also experienced this for years and years and they participate actively again and again, instead of standing up for a ruthless examination of any concern.
In any healthy and correct community set up the representatives are very open and receptive to any concern and they will take any concern in serious independent consideration and a following action, regardless of who is in question.
Even after an endless repetition of the same kind of concerns from so many people regarding Faye as a teacher and the founder within the last 10 years I witnessed that the representatives are at the side of the teacher / founder to demonstrate their unmovable so called “loyalty”, which will be so much honored by Faye, or just taken for granted by her. Don’t even dare not to be “loyal” !!!
This seems to be more important as to be welcoming, supportive and inviting for any member being in serious trouble, doubt or deep hurt because of harmful treatments by Faye.
These are my experiences: the ones who got hit are merciless left alone. As the longer arm of Faye, the leading and older ones will participate to block any criticism towards Faye and will call it attack. It is said the student has a problem and needs to do personal healing. Period. The teacher / founder is fine no matter how disrespectful, humiliating and degrading she is continuously treating people for more than 10 years. There is no older level who hasn’t experienced such a situation. And there is no older level who stood up right away in this situation to stop Faye in order to protect the student from serious harm. But all the older levels will be at Faye’s side as soon as a student questions her, which only maintains from my view of things an incorrect guru status, which makes her special by being more important to be protected than a student.
I experienced if people dare to share their not satisfying experiences with the teacher / founder they are right away perceived and judged as persons, who undermine and attack Faye, badmouthing her, using a soldier gathering and starting “maneuver” waves against Faye. I perceive this as an extreme control system with no place to be correct by sharing the truth.
Does this sound like a healthy and correct community to you?
I am one of those who dared from the beginning on to speak up to Faye and other representatives of the organizations, if I had a concern, disagreement or doubt. There was always this healthy part in myself which alert me in lots of areas regarding the set ups and the style of leadership within TIP.
I tried very hard for years to get an awareness of dynamics and set ups I experienced as incorrect. I always was open with my critical statements in phone conversations or emails. I offered constant integrity and loyalty (!) by bringing this openly forward in the hope that corrections will happen.
I had to experience for years that the founder’s / teacher’s response to this openness, loyalty and honesty was to be merciless yelled and screamed at, being made wrong, small, sick, needy, being accused of draining the whole leadership, being abusive, being called an “attacker” a trouble maker, being accused of so many terrible things, being badly spoken about behind my back and to be also publicly pointed at, shamed, blamed and torn apart, which felt like a modern way of crucifixion to me and which caused severe trauma. I experience all these responses as a deep humiliation, degradation and severe violation of my dignity.
I also had to experience that whenever I wanted to clarify these situations, each feed back to the teacher and founder was immediately deflected, blocked and turned around. From her perception it is always me — only me. She is fine and healthy and just responding to the pathology I am carrying. I shouldn’t take it personal. Even two mediations were so dominated by Faye that even then, it was all about me.
All of this caused deep self doubt, sometimes self hate. I almost broke emotionally by these as very brutal, harsh, abusive and destroying perceived treatments. Twice I got because of this seriously suicidal. I needed the help of a therapist to recover from the intense trauma my teacher Faye caused.
If you can not believe what I am sharing, you need to know that I have witnesses for everything I am sharing. And I am not the only one who got treated in this way. There are lots of serious traumatized students, who had to go through this as well. The NA Boards receive for years letters of resignation, in which these concerns and experiences are named.
I recovered enough now to be completely detached. I regained deep self love, self respect and self esteem which was seriously shattered for years.
The Training wants to expose the truth about any kind of abuse.. So – what is the truth about Faye’s intense rage, which is never accountable and so often reported to be so harmful? Is there a serious mental / emotional and / or drug head problem? Are you willing to examine the truth of this ongoing abuse?
This rage, which controls, harms and paralyses everybody and which is ignored as a serious sign of unhealthiness for almost two decades by the leadership, who for my opinion at least would need to stand up in order to represent and to protect the membership and innocent students.
This doesn’t happen, because all are Faye’s students. It is my assessment, that all are caught in this brainwashed mind control, which dictates, how to be especially around Faye. Therefore I don’t blame the leadership and the older ones, because I know they will only be able to respond and to act in an appropriate and correct way in and after situations, which are governed by Faye’s rage, if they step out of the wraps, which hold them prisoners and minimizes or hinders any independent response. Only then it will be possible to experience and to witness such situations “through another lens” — the lens of personal freedom, true integrity and natural correctness.
I went through this. I know exactly what I am speaking about, when I name the brainwashed mind control. And I know now, how extremely freeing it is, to let go of all these wraps and to connect and to feel the true being again. I can function as an individual again in my life. Now I am able to feel my feelings of freedom, inner peace and joy, independency and deep love and compassion for me and others, which I had lost for such a long time.
I personally think, that the beginning of the mind controlling wraps start with the level III teachings.
From level III on we are taught about the involved danger of this experimental work. Even a physical death if we don’t follow all the taught techniques in order to protect ourselves. This is the beginning for me, where students have to follow strictly the teachings, because now a fear factor is involved. A possible death. And the Teacher says clearly in each level III she is teaching, that there have been deaths in the student body. That she doesn’t want one more death because of the involved dangers of her experimental work. We learn in level III then, that we got the power and the techniques to take care of ourselves and that we will be fine if we really use them. Only so we will be safe.
I estimate this as the beginning of the strong dependency to the teacher. As an innocent student I take level III, not knowing what will come, and suddenly I am in the midst of teachings with inherent dangers and the need to learn and to use the necessary techniques, which will help me to survive these teachings.
What a crazy making twist the students are now mostly unconsciously caught in from here on. And so it goes on with each next level. In all the teaching contents from level III on, there is always an involved severe danger and the need to use the techniques in order to stay well or even alive.
Today, when I look at this, it is very hard for me to understand, why I kept going.
It will be my personal work to clarify in detail for myself, how I could be hooked and mislead in such a depth of my being. I want to heal this part in myself, which can be seduced to follow such teachings and such a teacher, for once and for all. No more ever.
It is Faye’s own responsibility on all levels, how she is treating her students and her clients as a teacher and a healer.
There are definitely professional legal policies and also a strict ethical code for these professions at least in Germany. I don’t know your laws and set ups in NA, but I assume there will be something similar in place for these professions, in order to protect the students and clients. There is a reality of legal rights, how a student and a client needs to be treated by a teacher, councilor, coach or a healer. I guess a respectful treatment is worldwide the minimum obligation for a teacher / healer in any contact with a student or client, regardless of how sick and pathological this person is.
I have been co-dependent to Faye for a long time. Even though I dared and dare to address her I backed her completely. I never spoke about my experiences with my teacher and founder with the German community. No matter what was going on, I kept it for myself. I only spoke in deep honor, appreciation and gratitude about Faye, while I represented her and her work.
Therefore it was almost a shock for the German community to hear from the German relation committee member, how he got treated and what he experienced with Faye. The students organized a meeting and they expressed clearly, that this is not acceptable. They claimed on their right to know and they claimed on their right to be treated as adults, who deserve to be fully informed in order to use their free will for any kind of personal decisions. Just being a younger level does not give any body the right to treat them as children, as the older levels, the official representatives or the authority do by deciding, how much info they get. There is definitely a high danger of manipulative secrecy.
I understand now that I made a big mistake in my leadership position in all these years. In my good intent to be in integrity and “loyalty” to Faye, my teacher, I made our students here small by not sharing my personal experiences, believing it would interfere with their personal spiritual journey, as we are taught. I didn’t want to have this on my “karmic account” with all the immense effects for myself, as I learned from Faye.
I do have on my karmic account, that I let the community believe everything is fine with our teacher / founder, even knowing better for a long time. I participated to mislead them by being quiet about all my serious concerns and experiences because of my strong co-dependency to my teacher. Therefore I treated the younger levels in an not appropriate and disrespectful way as adults, who are certainly very capable to make up their mind by themselves if they listen to experiences from others.
I take full responsibility on all levels for any effect this has had for our students here in Germany.
I only can apologize to them for holding them away from the reality and the truth. And I hope I will find the deep place of self forgiveness.
I will need time to unravel all the layers of wraps I got as a student in TIP. I will also need time to heal the deep pain, the feelings of sincere betrayal and the experience of severe abuse.
I hope the time will come soon, in which the older levels are finally waking up and allowing to look at all these concerns from an independent perspective. It will help to protect the new innocent students, who are coming to this community.
I definitely will be active exposing my experiences within TIP. I want to give innocent persons a chance to listen and to know about concrete experiences within the spiritual community: Training in Power, a spiritual journey in service.
There is so much more to share that it is very possible, that I will offer additional writings in the future.
In deep love and respect to myself,
Christiane